The Environment Agency wants us to build snowmen, to slow the melting rate and prevent flooding. How many snowmen make a difference? Millions? Do they provide training courses? Will the government accept liability for snowman-induced heart attacks? Was the Health and Safety Executive consulted? These are important questions.
We built snow forts and had a snowball fight, does that count? Emilie captured the boys’ fort and I got their flag, so we won. Everything we allowed after that was just to salvage their egos, after being defeated by their little sister and their old dad. (Other descriptions of these events are propaganda, and should be ignored. )
There’s still a LOT of snow. We could build a snow army.
Government: trying to turn a fun activity into a burdensome duty. Do they have any idea how long it takes to make that many snowmen? What is the economic impact of people taking time off work to build snowmen? If everyone uses a carrot for a snowman nose, there’s going to be a carrot shortage.
Did they think this through? What if the spokesman goes on disability for depression if people laugh at his statement? Will he sue the government? Will Labour demand an inquiry? Who will point out the lack of snowman diversity in the UK? Studies will be done on the optimum snowman density. This will rumble on for a while. Stay tuned.